While it’s true that women every woman is different, in general, women and men tend to have certain sin struggles. As women, these sin struggles, if left unchecked, can reach toxic levels that drive away the men in their lives. Our love, devotion, helpfulness, and respect can quickly dwindle to nagging, jealousy, insecurity and contempt if we aren’t aware of what we’re doing.
Understanding what drives away men is a great way to make sure you don’t end up along the same path. Whether you struggle with none of these or many, there is always room for the transforming power of the Holy Spirit to change your heart and mind and conform you more into the likeness of Christ.
Here are 10 things that many men claim will drive them quickly away from their loved ones…
1. Waiting for Him to Read Your Mind
Hoping your spouse or boyfriend knows exactly what you’re thinking, feeling and needing is unrealistic. It’s better to be upfront and clear about what you need or what you’re thinking, and give him a chance to respond accordingly.
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. – Colossians 4:6
2. Compare Him to Other Men
Nothing good comes from comparison. Whether you’re comparing him to your dad, brother, cousin or ex – there’s no benefit to be gained. You’ll only make your husband or boyfriend feel insecure and drive him away.
For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load. – Galatians 6:3-5
3. Try to Change Him
Trying to change anyone, especially your significant other, is a great way to be miserable and to make him miserable in the process. Don’t be with someone if you can’t accept his weaknesses, funny quirks, or bad habits. If he was like that before you became a couple, he won’t likely change. Focus on what is good and ask God to soften your heart toward the things you wish you could change.
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. – Matthew 7:12
4. Talk Down to Him
Would you want your husband or boyfriend talking down to you? Of course not, so don’t do it to him. Belittling a person doesn’t get you what you want – at least not in the long term. You might shame him into doing what you’d like, but in the long run you’re building resentment between the two of you.
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. – Proverbs 25:24
It’s frustrating, I know – you’ve asked him to do something several times and though he’s promised to get around to it, it’s still staring you in the face day after day. It’s tempting to nag and get passive aggressive about it, but men don’t respond well to nagging and it almost never gets you want you truly want – help that comes from a cheerful heart, not a begrudging one.
[S]weetness of speech increases persuasiveness. – Proverbs 16:21
6. Never Ask Him for Help
Asking for help is different than nagging- don’t confuse the two. Men loved to be asked for help – whether it’s a handy man project around the house or just asking their opinion about a difficult decision or important issue. It shows them you respect them and value their thoughts. If you never ask for help, your husband or spouse might wonder if you admire or care about them at all.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. – Philippians 2:3
7. Be a Drama Queen
Nothing can be more wearying than a woman who makes a big deal out of everything or is always involved in a fight or problem with friends or coworkers. In fact, as a woman you should want a man in your life who calls you out for petty behavior rather than indulging you in it.
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. – Proverbs 12:4
8. Always Overanalyze
Men typically aren’t thinking through a situation a hundred different ways. So overanalyzing their choices or actions is a great way to create a problem that isn’t there. More than likely, the simplest explanation is the right one. Assume the best about your husband or boyfriend, not the worst.
A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike. Trying to keep her in check is like stopping a wind storm or grabbing oil with your right hand. – Proverbs 27:15-16
9. Never Give Him Alone Time
We all need time to ourselves to decompress and enjoy the things that bring us life and joy. By dominating all of your husband or boyfriend’s time, you’re not giving him the time he needs to recharge. Letting him take some time for himself and his friends guarantees that when he spends time with you, he is refreshed and happy.
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. – Proverbs 14:1
10. Be Irrationally Jealous
Again, this goes back to assuming the best about the man in your life, not the worst. If he’s in a committed relationship with you, trust that you are the person he wants to be with. Getting jealous every time he interacts with another woman or even being jealous of his friends is guaranteed to put him on the defensive and frustrate him.
Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? – Proverbs 27:4